Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
