I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
