Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Two words: blizzard sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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