Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
