Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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