No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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