Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
