at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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