Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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