sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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