Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
