so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
