I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
