the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
