I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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