i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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