I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I came so hard my ears popped.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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