speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
