$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
