Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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