ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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