Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
