when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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