What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
