I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize