i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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