He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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