we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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