Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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