Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Success! We fucked roommates!
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