READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
