she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
