Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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