omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
