And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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