break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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