I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
