when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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