I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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