Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
