Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
me + whiskey = a bad person
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
