did you get engaged???
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
