I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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