Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
