So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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