yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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