THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
