he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
