yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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