We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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