I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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