i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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