I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
