Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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