handjob tips. give me some.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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