She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize