i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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