He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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