She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
