Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
