No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.