this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
