so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
