I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
