hotel room ftw
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
