Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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