The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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