so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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