I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
