So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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