I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
